people come and go
you will meet someone who is just bound to leave you
the least is to hurt you and treat you like a total mess
in the most subtle way he can
i just wanna be immune to all of these sufferings
i just want to shut my eyes and
wishes never to open them again.
i am also human and i am hurting
i am hoping that tomorrow
the sun will shine on me again
as bright as if it was 13 years ago
i wish i have the ability to turn back time
i hope that i can live a worry free life
and i dream that wishes do come true
i am only human born to wish, to hope and to dream.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
For Sugus to read
"If you don't like where you are in life,there comes a point when you must give up the partof you that's holding you back." - Dr. Sonya Friedman
Divorce is difficult. This is why many people stay in unhealthy or unfulfilling marriages, despite an inner urging to leave. Rather than heed their internal guide, many people put off making the decision to leave their spouse as long as possible. They try to ignore the troubles, hoping they will go away, or they use justifications to stay that they believe outweigh their reasons for wanting (or needing) to leave.
I understand this resistance and I don't judge anyone who remains in these situations. Leaving your marriage may be the greatest challenge you will ever face. However, staying married – when you know in your heart that you need to leave – is a disservice to yourself and the world around you.
People give many reasons why they don't get out of their bad marriages. I call these "misguided reasons" because, with few exceptions, the reasoning is faulty. To show you what I mean, let's look at the most common misguided reason: fear.
Most people I know who are contemplating divorce are riddled with fear – fear of the unknown, fear of pain, fear of loss, fear of being poor or lonely, fear of hurting family and friends, and fear of having regrets. The list is endless.
While some fear is healthy, and not necessarily unfounded, most fear is based on imagining worst case scenarios. Because the human brain doesn't know the difference between a real event and a story we make up, we believe that what we imagine will be our fate.
The first step in taking control of your fears is to become aware of why youare experiencing the anxiety or trepidation. If it's in response to an actual event such as losing your job, being diagnosed with an illness, or something happening to one of your children, the fear is well-founded. That the event is real doesn't justify allowing your nerves to take over, yet some fear in these types of circumstances is appropriate.
If, however, while contemplating divorce you fear that you'll be a bag lady, or that no one will ever hire you, or that you'll be alone forever, then it's important to reel yourself back in and remind yourself that you are making up a story. It's important to stop telling yourself these tales. Perhaps you can even assure yourself that, "in this moment, I have everything I need," or, "I will be taken care of."Just as doctors tell you to "stay ahead of the pain," I recommend that you "stay ahead of the fear." Don't let it run your life. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is feeling the fear and taking action anyway."
If you trust that you have done all you could to preserve your marriage and you believe whole-heartedly that your marriage is over, I encourage you to push through your fears, get whatever support you need and move away from your unhealthy situation. Life is short. Don't hide behind misguided reasons to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Below are some real life stories of women who conquered their fears:
Amelia was dreading telling her two children that she would be moving out. She envisioned the devastation and negative repercussions the divorce would surely have on them. Much to her surprise, when she broke the news her kids they were hardly fazed at all. In fact, they were relieved to have the fighting stop and excited to have two homes. Life went on without anyone missing a beat.
Prior to her divorce, Joan was terrified of being alone. She had been with her husband for twenty-nine years, had raised their four children and had never lived on her own. While it was certainly an adjustment for her, Joan discovered that she was anything but lonely. She was so grateful for every minute to herself. She also felt grateful to be able to pursue her interests and to find out who she was besides just someone's mother or wife.
Lisa, who co-owned her business with her husband, thought for sure the company would go under when they split. She took a leap of faith, however, and bought him out. After two years had passed, Lisa realized that not only was the business still running, but that she had doubled her income. She realized that when she stopped trying to keep her sinking marriage afloat, she had more energy, passion and stamina for her work.
Divorce is difficult. This is why many people stay in unhealthy or unfulfilling marriages, despite an inner urging to leave. Rather than heed their internal guide, many people put off making the decision to leave their spouse as long as possible. They try to ignore the troubles, hoping they will go away, or they use justifications to stay that they believe outweigh their reasons for wanting (or needing) to leave.
I understand this resistance and I don't judge anyone who remains in these situations. Leaving your marriage may be the greatest challenge you will ever face. However, staying married – when you know in your heart that you need to leave – is a disservice to yourself and the world around you.
People give many reasons why they don't get out of their bad marriages. I call these "misguided reasons" because, with few exceptions, the reasoning is faulty. To show you what I mean, let's look at the most common misguided reason: fear.
Most people I know who are contemplating divorce are riddled with fear – fear of the unknown, fear of pain, fear of loss, fear of being poor or lonely, fear of hurting family and friends, and fear of having regrets. The list is endless.
While some fear is healthy, and not necessarily unfounded, most fear is based on imagining worst case scenarios. Because the human brain doesn't know the difference between a real event and a story we make up, we believe that what we imagine will be our fate.
The first step in taking control of your fears is to become aware of why youare experiencing the anxiety or trepidation. If it's in response to an actual event such as losing your job, being diagnosed with an illness, or something happening to one of your children, the fear is well-founded. That the event is real doesn't justify allowing your nerves to take over, yet some fear in these types of circumstances is appropriate.
If, however, while contemplating divorce you fear that you'll be a bag lady, or that no one will ever hire you, or that you'll be alone forever, then it's important to reel yourself back in and remind yourself that you are making up a story. It's important to stop telling yourself these tales. Perhaps you can even assure yourself that, "in this moment, I have everything I need," or, "I will be taken care of."Just as doctors tell you to "stay ahead of the pain," I recommend that you "stay ahead of the fear." Don't let it run your life. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is feeling the fear and taking action anyway."
If you trust that you have done all you could to preserve your marriage and you believe whole-heartedly that your marriage is over, I encourage you to push through your fears, get whatever support you need and move away from your unhealthy situation. Life is short. Don't hide behind misguided reasons to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Below are some real life stories of women who conquered their fears:
Amelia was dreading telling her two children that she would be moving out. She envisioned the devastation and negative repercussions the divorce would surely have on them. Much to her surprise, when she broke the news her kids they were hardly fazed at all. In fact, they were relieved to have the fighting stop and excited to have two homes. Life went on without anyone missing a beat.
Prior to her divorce, Joan was terrified of being alone. She had been with her husband for twenty-nine years, had raised their four children and had never lived on her own. While it was certainly an adjustment for her, Joan discovered that she was anything but lonely. She was so grateful for every minute to herself. She also felt grateful to be able to pursue her interests and to find out who she was besides just someone's mother or wife.
Lisa, who co-owned her business with her husband, thought for sure the company would go under when they split. She took a leap of faith, however, and bought him out. After two years had passed, Lisa realized that not only was the business still running, but that she had doubled her income. She realized that when she stopped trying to keep her sinking marriage afloat, she had more energy, passion and stamina for her work.
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